Practicing Excellence

A way of life that is more freeing than it might seem.

That’s right Dear Loved Ones, today we strive to break chains that bind us.

Chains that weigh us down and hold us captive. Chains that may or may not be of our own making, but certainly have become a practice that is now our own doing. 

At first glance, excellence can feel like another impossible standard to live up to. Excellence might at times feel like a high goal, expectation, or even demand, but it is a far cry from what I believe more and more people struggle with each day.

From simple, mundane, perhaps even unimportant tasks—like folding towels—to holding others to a standard that feels much less like love and much more like scrutiny.

When we recalibrate Excellence over Perfection, a whole new way of life becomes possible. For us, and those we interact with each day.

Before we carry on Dear Loved Ones,
I have a question for you:

What's the best way to learn… anything?

I have often held myself to what others have told me are unrealistic demands or expectations. In fact, it was while in Yoga Teacher Training at Kripalu—a simple 200-hour certification—that an instructor told me I needed to let go of being perfect.

That perfection isn’t ‘real and true’ - a saying and practice we learned while we were there (I’ll talk about that some time too, but for now stick with me please 😇).

It was honestly alarming for me.

Alarming because for me, it felt unexpected and at least somewhat irrelevant. We weren’t discussing anything about perfection, at least not that I was aware of; however, this additional instructor to our program picked up on something about me that I had yet to address within myself.

I was, and still am a struggling perfectionist. 

See, I’ve tried to keep my competitive, OCD-like behaviors to myself, for myself. I tried to never have people feel as badly as I have felt. To do my best to always be understanding of others; who they are and how they do things, as well as appreciate what we each bring to the table.

To remember that people won’t do things the way I do them. I want, to the best I am capable in any given moment, to allow others to be who they are.

In other, simpler words, while I often hold myself to impossible standards, I try not to impose them on others.

Anyway, I knew I wasn’t perfect—no matter how hard I try.

Truth be told, I was so focused on my imperfections that I didn't realize I was holding myself to an impossible standard. Interestingly enough though, I try my hardest to love and accept people for who they are as they are—don’t worry, I’m certain I have failed more times than I would like to know. 

Point being, she struck me hard with her awareness of me and the weight I have carried for as long as I can remember—no wonder I have struggled with headaches every day of my life since I was a young child, that alone is a lot to live up to!

My teacher for that moment and exercise told me while I might still strive for perfection, it is important to learn to be happy with excellence. To practice grace and gratitude to, for, and with myself.

Even though I still fail at this daily as well, her message didn't go unused. It has stayed with me more than a decade later, and I am so very grateful to and for her as well as her guidance.

As we learned from diving into Proverbs chapter one, wisdom gained comes, in part, from a willingness not only to learn and grow, but also to seek out and accept guidance from others.

Without even asking for it, this incredible woman gave me advice that has shaped, deepened, and sharpened my awareness, understanding, healing, and so much more. She shared her wisdom with me, and I have spent the years since weaving it into the very fabric of my life.

Shelly bestowed me a gift that changed my life, and I will forever be grateful.

I’d like nothing more than, as best I can, to share it with all of you.

With that Dear Loved Ones, what is the best way to learn? 

Ideally with, through, and because of curiosity and play I think, but that aside, how do we best learn?

Repeated exposure and experience.
In other words, practice.
Practice, practice, and more practice.
Bunches, oodles, mountains of practice.

With the purpose or goal to become better at, more versed in, more comfortable doing, learn how to ... do ... something.

Excellence is built from what psychologist Angela Duckworth famously calls grit—a willingness to keep showing up, keep learning, keep trying, ... even if/when progress feels slow or impossible.

If I had to guess, many of us grew up hearing the phrase "practice makes perfect".

Others of us heard the variation: "no, perfect practice makes perfect."

As true as each of those statements can be, something very important is lost in both, or perhaps something added that might hinder someone even trying.

Perfectionism.

After all, isn't the point of practicing something, anything, to learn, grow, and have new experiences that connect us more to one another?

Don't get me wrong Dear Loved Ones, there's nothing wrong with striving for perfection. I think it is admirable and noteworthy.

Perfectionism can also be dangerous though.
Personal experience has taught me that, and it’s something I still struggle with regularly if I'm being perfectly and truly honest—pun fully intended 😜.

What's lost in perfect practice or practicing to be perfect?

Any number of things.

Quite possibly the most important thing lost though, is joy.

The joy to be free in what and how we learn. The joy of being curious as a newborn.

To be excited to try something just for the fun of it! For the experience. To gain knowledge, understanding, perspective, character, depth...

To become uniquely ourselves.

If we expect to be perfect right out the gate, does it prevent us from even trying?

While excellence can help encourage and motivate a willingness or desire to learn, perfectionism can be the roadblock that leads to a paralyzing fear of failure which sometimes leaves us too afraid to finish, or too afraid to begin...

Thank the Lord my curiosity has often won the battle to still try, learn, and do new things, but not without that nagging need to be—or become ... 'perfect'. To make as few mistakes as possible. To the point that I have heard many times throughout my life that "it's okay to be human", or "it's nice to know you're human".

Perfectionism is a lot to live up to, and it changes depending on who one is speaking/interacting with. It's often exhausting, depleting, discouraging, and can easily lead to self-loathing, depression, and unhealthy people-pleasing.

That's why, for anyone curious like me, I invite you in to a personal endeavor of exploring the world through the lens of achieving excellence rather than killing ourselves for the alluring yet impossible idea of perfection.

Even as I write these words, I can feel the crippling weight of self-judgment.

"This paragraph isn't quite right."
"You could explain that better."
"Maybe rewrite it one more time."

The irony isn't lost on me.

Perhaps practicing excellence also means knowing when something is good enough to share—even if I never seem capable of getting even half my thoughts out the way I desperately desire.

So...

Here it is.

Imperfect.
Honest.
Human.

Perhaps practicing excellence means having the courage to offer what is good, while trusting God with what is unfinished.

And maybe...

just maybe...

that's exactly where learning, growth, and change begin.