Standing Before a Thousand Doors.

Wondering... how to choose?

I get lost, Dear Loved Ones.

Lost in the ideas of what I can do; want to do; need to do; 'should' do.
Lost in thoughts, goals, tasks, and feeling like I'm 'wasting' time.
Lost in how best to utilize —aka 'spend'— my time.

And how interesting to me that we 'spend' time.

For instance, one of the many things I ponder frequently, is how am I 'supposed' to show up in the world? What can I bring into each day that positively impacts the world I live in and has the potential ripple effect to travel through space and time?

Does my writing make any difference?
Is there any impact with what or how I write?
What topics matter?
How do I best help people?

How do I serve as Jesus —aka Yeshua— would have me serve?

I'm wrestling, Dear Loved Ones.

Wrestling with limitations that often feel like I'm standing in front of a thousand interesting doors and can typically only walk through one.
One at a time.
Perhaps only one.
Each door leading to a thousand more...

How about you?

As I go about my day, I strive to figure out how to best use my limited amount of time. What project do I work on today? What article do I focus on writing that will reach deep into the heart and soul of someone?

Sometimes I am filled with an insatiable sense of purpose, wonder, and/or ideas.

Other times I wonder if there is any point at all.

Today I find myself once again trying to declutter and failing to do so.

I have old magazines, Dear Loved Ones.

Magazines for yoga, massage, nutrition, health and wellness, fitness, herbs, etc., and even politics, economics and business, as well as AARP.

And that's even after filtering through them many times.
Recycling, donating, sorting, scrapping them, and even scraping them clean of any fun, fascinating, intriguing information.

My range of interests is and has always been vast. I always hoped to read them. Still do. Currently, I thought I could go through them and maybe do a follow-up research article about what is in them; thinking people might find it interesting—I know I would, but I find many things interesting.

For instance. In Amazing Wellness (Early Summer 2013 issue), a magazine given out "compliments of the Vitamin Shoppe", there is an article about BeActive. A supplement for joint pain. In this article it reveals those taking it are able to "reverse their joint problems...without one single side effect."

What I want to know is:

• What are the main ingredients?
• How can someone obtain these ingredients naturally through their diet, and would it be effective?
• If the "clinical study show[ed a] 93% improvement", what was it improving, what are the results years later, and how/why isn't this information more mainstream?

These are just a few questions lurking in my mind that I cannot help but wonder:

• Does anyone care?
• Should I research and write about this and the ingredients that might be accessible through natural everyday sources?
• Would this undertaking make any difference to anyone, and is that the only reason to write the article?
• Does any of what I do, learn, share, write, etc., matter?
• What 'should' I be focusing on?

Honestly, those last two questions in particular hit me hardest, because as much as anything can and does matter, what matters most to me—learning about and sharing Faith in God— makes it hard to keep much of anything else in perspective sometimes.

It's not that all the other stuff is no longer interesting or perhaps important in this particular journey, but when I only have so much of this precious resource—time—how on earth do I figure out how to ... spend it?

How do I figure out what tasks, goals, articles, project(s), etc. to work on?

Sure, there are the daily things that supposedly are important and keep us alive, like food. Shopping for, growing, harvesting, preparing, eating, and sharing food.

Perhaps the difficulty is that there are more worthwhile and 'necessary' things than any one person could ever accomplish.

• More books than we can read.
• More questions to explore and answers than can be discovered.
• More people than we can help and causes than we can support.
• More stories than we can tell.
• More ideas, projects, or goals than possible in a single lifetime.

Additionally, will I ever feel like I am making as much progress in all the many, MANY things that occupy my thoughts and time?

Perhaps growing in wisdom is not learning how to do everything, sadly.

Perhaps, and likely, it is learning to let go.

Let go of whatever expectations I have placed upon myself.
Let go of learning, doing, and accomplishing all the things I wish to explore, try, learn, discover...
Let go of 'making' a difference and just live my life.

That last one might surprisingly be the hardest.

Perhaps there is wisdom in learning how to accept all I cannot and will not be able to do. Perhaps wisdom is gained through the struggles of life. Even the simple struggles of choosing what and how to spend my time, life, and energy.

Truth is, none of us knows how much time we have or likely how to spend it.

Perchance the more important thing to focus on... is trusting the process.

What if wisdom is not found in choosing flawlessly, but rather in faithfully embracing whatever is before us each day?

All coming to you, Dear Loved Ones, from a curious soul staring at a world overflowing with worthwhile and supposedly necessary things, still wondering how to choose, and slowly learning that trust may matter more than certainty.